Do you ever go to war with your children?
I do.
This week has been a battle of control.
A losing battle for all parties. My children have sensed weakness in me. They know when I am tired and overwhelmed, and they push the boundaries. They see how far they can make me bend before I snap...and snapping is inevitable at this pace. And also unGodly.
Ahh the great conundrum.
(And to all you young, hipster, postmodern mommies who are thinking, "Um, you really shouldn't try to control your children. They aren't objects." --this is what I have to say to you....ha hA HA HA HA HA. Sorry. But no, really. HA HA.
Onward--
So I think I have developed, or picked up, a few strategies that are helpful. I thought I would share.
At the point in the battle when you feel you have lost all control, your children have stopped responding, you feel overwhelmed and defeated...
1. Pray. This is a battle you cannot win. Go to the throne of grace and beg for God's mercy. You are unable, but He is able! And remember, your actions are not reactions to your children's unholiness, but a reaction to the Gospel. You are capable of training and discipling your children by the power of the Spirit who is at work within you. Call out to Him for help- it is your greatest asset!
2. Facilitate an outlet. Are you stir crazy? They probably are too! This would be a great time to take them to a park or let them romp in your backyard. You don't have to stay indoors and watch while they tear down the walls brick by brick. Get them out of the house and into a place where they can be crazy and destructive. Let them play in the mud and cake it over every surface of their tiny bodies...sometimes that is healthy. I mean, grown women pay to have mud spread all over their faces. That stress-releasing-tradition started somewhere, right? Sometimes I even take my 5 year old outside and make her run laps. Sounds mean, but she actually loves it. And when she comes back inside, she has run all her crazy out.
3. Divide and Conquer. Do you have more than 1 tiny person? Because I do. And let me tell you, there is strength in numbers. Separate the tiny people, and you weaken them. Did you know...it is okay to ask your child to spend time alone? For a long time, I had a very unrealistic sense of guilt for asking my children to spend time away from me. That is absurd. Put one child in his/her room for 30 minutes and let one play in the living room. Then switch. If you have time, spend some one on one time with each child- reading, coloring, playing with play dough...this might be a good stress relief for you too! Or ask them to play separately and alone. This is not child neglect. It is good for them to learn independent play!
4. Rethink your House Rules.
(This is advice from my husband-picked up from the Desiring God conference) Your job as a parent is not to make your children conform to the law, but to love the law. Is your house a house full of yes's? Or No's? Do you feel like you are punishing your children for everything that they do? Maybe it is time to rethink your house rules. Your house should be a house full of yes's. This allows you to discipline less, but be firm when you do have to discipline. Think of the garden of Eden. Everything was there for their pleasure, with the exception of one tree. And that tree had serious consequences--death. (This is not me endorsing Capitol punishment for your children.) You can see that our God is a God who delights in our pleasure. He has bestowed on us blessing after blessing, so we as parents should delight in bringing our children happiness. Let them be children. Without giving away your authority, limit the scope of the law to a point that they can begin loving it. Once they appreciate the law's boundaries, you can expand the boundaries with them as they grow. This will probably mean channeling your own creativity to provide them with things to do--in other words, more yes's.
Hopefully these strategies will be helpful for you as you fight for the control of your household.
"Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the things to come." Proverbs 31:25
Do you veterans have any additional strategies that might be helpful to those of us who are still in the trenches? If so, please share!
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